TJ

We have a grandson, who is now 7½ years old. We did not think he would make that age!

He was born with cerebral palsy and also, discovered later, epilepsy.

He is also quadriplegic, has no swallow reflex and is also unable to cough.

He needs constant care 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks of the year.

TJ is a lovely boy, he has beautiful, dark, expressive eyes and smiles a lot in spite of his ‘lot’ not being a happy one.

His mother has done a wonderful job of caring for him as any loving mother would.

The second week of December he had to go into hospital for a routine ‘intervention’.

Due to his growing he needed his ‘gastro’ site moved.

Simplified, the tube into his abdomen through which he gets all his nourishment and medication was not up to scratch and needed to be moved.

The operation went well, but, the ‘tube’ put into his throat to help his breathing throughout the procedure caused a problem. He ended up with an infection in his upper airway, and bearing in mind he can not readily cough, fluid collected on his lungs. His stomach also herniated up past his diaphragm…..

Poor little chap then had to have another ‘intervention’ to alleviate this problem and was put into ITU with one to one care.

He seemed to be progressing well and was put back onto his ward where he promptly picked up an infection and was transferred back to ITU.

It then appears that the original surgical procedure caused adhesions which had to be sorted out and then he started to develop fluid in his abdomen as well.

It is almost 5 weeks since he went in for a simple procedure.

Our daughter and her estranged husband have been at their wits end with the worry of it all.

She lives a good 90 mins travelling time from the hospital and it is taking a toll on her financially as well as physically and mentally, she also has two other children to consider.

We are been out here knowing that if we were in the UK there would be little we could do to help. It is all down to the medical profession and their expertise. We have daily phone-calls with our daughter, being sounding boards and giving constant love and encouragement. It is heartbreaking… and I pray a lot.

Elbows and the case of the disappearing cat.

We have had Christmas, a very subdued affair in our house due to the fact that the children did not want to come and stay; we were still unpacking and really didn't feel like entertaining.

I did splash out on some excellent wine and champagne, a good start to any menu, found a nice ready stuffed poularde in the chill cabinet of the local supermarche some excellent little individual mixed vegetable dishes, some smoked salmon for starters and no room for pud. It suited us fine.

We had friends over just before New Years Eve - they, like us, just like to 'slob out' on the sofa and go to bed at 00.01 New Years day... You get past the desire to jump into fountains and forget which strangers you kissed (snogged??) and heaven forbid what else.

So onto the 3rd January, Elbow Day, forever etched in my mind.

I arrived at the hospital at the prescribed hour of 07.30 having not had a cup of tea just a little water to wash down a prescribed blood pressure tablet. "Prendre a 6.30 Mme" the anaesthetist said.. "oui d'accord" so I did.

I had a lovely shower, got dressed into the car and off to hospital.

On arrival I was shown to my room, given a hospital gown, towel, gant (French equivalent of face cloth) disposable knickers and disposable 'footwear', you know - the sort that you see SOCO's on TV put on their feet over their shoes at a crime scene - I wear size 4 shoes so you can imagine the size of this 'footwear'. I was also asked to take a shower using an iodine based product.... 2nd shower of the day and before 08.00.... a first for me!!

Ablutions done, I sat and waited, and waited, got bored and waited more. Then in they were, drip in arm, blood pressure taken, name tag put on wrist... at last things were happening!

I was taken down to a 'prep' room and had my arm checked using an electric shock thing... it was funny watching my arm dancing away without any control from me. Wasn't painful in the least - the anaesthetist was checking something, don't know what but he was checking. Then the anaesthetic was pumped in so one dead arm. I think that the drip they put in had a sedative as well as saline because I was quite relaxed throughout it all. Conversations went on in a mixture of French and English. The surgeon spoke perfect English and we made a few little jokes whilst surgery was underway. He re-sited the ulna nerve from the outside of my elbow, where it was being pinched by a very arthritic joint, to the inside of the elbow. During it all it felt as though my arm was floating above me, quite bizarre.

When it was all over I was taken back to my room and I just rested and slept, that is whilst I wasn't being checked by the lovely nurses who did their very best to speak English to me. I learnt some words from them and them from me. A fair exchange.

I have been home now 4 days. My elbow does hurt at the operation site but I now have proper feeling in my fingers.

The nurse came to visit yesterday to change the dressings.

Our black angora cat, who absolutely detests strangers, was in the salon.

When the nurse came in I shut the door so the dog did not disturb us.

I saw the cat moving about the room trying to hide, he was flattening his coat and he appeared to become smaller and smaller. I don't know how he did it but he seemed to disappear completely, just like the fabled Cheshire Cat although the smile was nowhere to be seen.

After the nurse had left he suddenly re-appeared.

How??

He has done this on more than one occasion, is my boy a magic cat?

On Saturday 26th November the purchaser of our house came for a visit to look it over, we had no problem with that at all; then came the bombshell – she wanted to move in on Friday 2nd December. My husbands face was a picture! It was an ‘Oh Shit!’ moment! he then realised that he had to pull his finger out (fully!) and start to clear his ‘stuff’.

OK, we had been to the UK to help our eldest daughter celebrate her 40th birthday (what a lovely time we had too!) and had lost a few days of packing/sorting etc. He had hoped that Mme A. would want to wait a couple of weeks before moving – no way, she wanted to be in ASAP.

And so we signed the Acte de Vente on the morning of Wednesday 30th November 2011. (for a few hours we were homeless!)

Daughter came out with her partner and little Georges (the bouncy one) for the signing. A very quick turn around for them – one night in France and back home! I wanted them involved and insisted that they came out to sign; after all we had been inconvenienced enough over the last couple of years – time for them to make changes to their plans.

On the Wednesday afternoon we signed for the purchase of this property. Our Notaire is an absolute gem, we have used him over the last 10 years and he knows us well; our last property involved many purchases and a couple of sales. Amazingly enough one of the two agence immobiliers that we used did not realise that Maitre C. was fluent in English until we told him. It was a very interesting learning curve for us although Himself seemed to switch off during the process and automatically signed/initialled all the papers involved.

We moved the furniture and electrical goods over the Thursday and Friday morning with the help of some super friends, only downside, it rained non stop!! Since then we have been bringing boxes etc that had been stored in the barn (note: big shed!).

We are now installed in a very nice 3 bedroom house with a sous sol/garage. The house has not been truly lived in and loved. Only one room has been decorated and that is the main bedroom. There is a fitted kitchen and yesterday we went and bought a new fitted oven and ordered the hob to match. We have basically been camping since last Thursday using kettle, microwave and steamer but am now able to use an oven as well! We only had 4 functioning electric sockets until our lovely new neighbour, Mr M., who is an electrician, came and sorted out the fuses for us. He is in partnership with another guy Mr P. who is central heating engineer. Both of these men are friends of an English guy we know who has been here for 17 years as a builder…. Everything fits into place eventually!! I consider that we have been very fortunate with where we have moved and who we know.

I have sorted out the basics for living, beds set up, dining, lounging, bathroom etc. I still have loads of things to sort for our use and also for selling on. It isn’t until you go through such an exercise that you realise how much is accumulated over the years. The sous sol is full of boxes and duplicate things. After Christmas I will be advertising these things for sale and hopefully make a little extra spending money for our hols.

I like it here. I do hope that Himself settles as well, he seems quite comfortable at the moment. He has been through the mill over the past couple of years and maybe now a new beginning is right for him. Fingers crossed!

Dog and cats are fine. I bought some Feliway to help the cats settle. It seems to have worked as they are not scrapping as much as they were. They have had a couple of visitors, one ginger and the other a Felix type, it seems that they know the house!

The boy also is absolutely fine.

There are other dogs in the neighbourhood, one of which is next door. It is a little white ‘yappy’ thing – possibly Shih Tzu or similar. The little yappy thing was ‘yapping’ (as they do) and our boy heard it and decided “Oh goody goody, (pant pant) a playmate, lets go play!” Mme, owner of yappy thing, was horrified to see our boy heading in her direction and leaping over their fence in order to introduce himself and play. She scooped her precious up in her arms and shot indoors! We apologised to Mr. explaining that our boy only wanted to play - he was OK but I am still not sure about Mme… I think that they (dog and little yappy thing) need a proper introduction!

More to follow!

New chapter

We have moved!

We have intermittent internet connection.

Will post a proper 'blog' once we are sorted out.

Since my last posting various things have happened.

My internet connection went up the spout, again!! We had the most horrendous storm. I was shaken out of the bed by thunder (not the God Thor unfortunately!) and I rushed downstairs to turn off the modem… too late, it was done in. When I phoned our internet provider the next morning I eventually got through to a very ‘exhausted’ sounding young man who said “just post it to us we and will send a replacement today, let me know the cost of sending.” Methinks there were a lot of modems blown up overnight!

We also went back to the UK to help our eldest daughter and her husband celebrate their 40th birthdays..

What joy! Not only seeing our lovely daughters but also seeing our lovely grandchildren, who are so affectionate and polite.

The youngest, Georges, bounces!! We saw him on the Friday night and he ‘bounced’ into the room and ‘bounced’ around it. He ‘bounced’ into my arms for a kiss and cuddle, he also did the same for his granddad. He was ‘bouncing’ back and forth in all directions. He is the only grandchild of ours that has done this, absolutely full of joy and ‘bounce’. I would dearly love some of what he is having!! (isn’t bounce a funny word?)

We also went to see my dear Mum, she is coping very well, albeit with the assistance of my older sister. Mum is determined not to leave her 3 bed house ‘it is the only home I've had you know!’ she says. I appreciate her feelings and thoughts, she never had a home with family in her infancy and youth. She has lived there since 1947 – may she never be taken away from the place that she has loved and in which she has brought up her children. She is an amazing woman my mother, almost 91 years on this earth….

So we took a trip to the UK… what fun. The car kept slipping out of gear, and we had it serviced a week before!!! Got to the ferry port early and were allowed on without any problems so we got to our daughters before the grandchildren went to bed… They were so pleased!!

The weekend progressed well. We caught up with friends and family, just love it! Did some shopping and lunches and dinners… Much too busy for Himself though!

The return journey was as traumatic as the leaving.. I think that once this house is sold a new car is on the cards! I know we bought this car as a stop gap, but at the moment a new one would be a good idea, I would just love comfort and reliability. When we got home we were both so tense we could break in half.

A very tense journey and we had other 'stressfull' things to contend with once we got home.

Dog was ensconced with a friend and was so 'waggy' to see us home, the cats did not give us 'cold' shoulders at all, but the house was absolutely freezing!!

I will arrange for some Feliway for when we move - apparently it helps cats settle when their are 'things' going on. Maybe there is a human equivalent?

Our ‘buying’ agent had arranged for the electricity and plumbing to be checked for us, good girl! Electric meter read and switched on. Plumber in to check central heating, Ooops we need to put some oil in the tank! We arrange for oil company to fill said tank, done this morning at a ‘silly o’clock’, at least we will have heating.

We went to the telecom shop to arrange new phone and internet. What a lovely young guy! He was so helpful, so we now know that the engineer will be there on 1st December to connect the line and also sort out the internet for us (I have the modem in my hot sticky hands waiting!!).

All is going to plan at the moment.

Youngest daughter is coming out with her partner and the bouncy child for the signing next week. Yes she was worried about the loss of pay etc… but she was reminded that she will be quids in afterwards….

Will update after 1st December… I am still thinking POSITIVE!

Moooving

Not long now, at the end of the month we sign the acte de vente. One problem though is that our dear daughter and her other half will not be able to come and sign for their property, (too expensive to travel, got to bring kids, losing money at work etc.). So now stops need to be pulled out to get a power of attorney for their signature. I am getting really fed up with the child’s attitude to it all, she has been given plenty of notice. I am quite tempted to sign for ours and let her sort her ‘bit’ without my help.

I have been bending over backwards to accommodate her and she has yet to say ‘sorry mum for putting you through all of this and thank you for doing it all.’ even himself is in the shadows and doing very little to help matters.

Stress is rearing its ugly head again. I thought that I had it beaten – no!

I think I will take a holiday when this is over and done with.

And, I still have to see another orthopaedic surgeon for my elbow. Saw the original guy and he has referred me to his colleague who is fluent in English and is good at the ‘minor’ stuff. So I get to see him in another couple of weeks, just before the ‘signing’.

Life is not good at the moment.

It will get better though.

Just got to be positive.

Not sure where to start, just type and see where it takes me I suppose. Thank heavens for spell check, it tells me where I have gone wrong!

Have had a few ‘bad’ days, not sleeping, feeling fed up, wanting to have a change from this life of sorting, cleaning and packing boxes, I suppose I am getting a tad impatient.

‘Tad’, now that is a word that I never knew existed in general conversation (Tad Williams the author yes!) until around 8 years ago. Never encountered it before but my husband started using it and I exclaimed ‘what??’, he said that he used the word all the time – ‘not in my presence’ I said ‘maybe at work, not in front of me!’. ‘Hmmm’ was the reply.

It seems also that at least one of our daughters used the same word.

Now this set me to wondering, was I living in a different time, were they living in a different time?

A parallel universe that met only occasionally.

One wonders, well at least I do!

So the sorting, cleaning and packing continues.

I think I am getting it all under control but I must admit that today I did give himself a bit of a ‘talking to’ to put it mildly. I think I used the words ‘lazy’ ‘indulgent’ etc. Anyway I told him that I was fed up with doing all the necessary on my own without any input or help from him. Now I was talking everything from sorting laundry, doing laundry, sweeping floors, mopping said floors, preparing meals, cooking meals and all the other ancillary things that go on in daily life without him lifting a finger to help. And this is not including packing boxes prior to our moving.

I think he is living in a parallel universe and just visiting me occasionally!

Tomorrow he will be getting reminders.

Yes I have had a few bad days…

Feel better now.