Friday, 19 February 2010

Tomorrow I go to the UK. With my daughter, son in law and grandchildren....
I Have been put on a 'guilt trip ' by my husband....
So what do I do?
Yes, I know that he has problems with his lungs.... it has been years of smoking non-filtered cigarettes and also working in the paper making industry with cellulose fibres creating problems, again with his lungs. He has been told over the past few years that he needed to stop smoking and to take a healthier lifestyle. Did he listen??? no of course not - what did they know (the professionals that is!).
What pisses me off the most is the fact that it is the day that my family arrive to visit that he becomes 'ill' it is almost as though he has planned it all and that he does not want me to go away and leave him.....
I have brought in friends and neighbours to keep a check on him.
Today we went to see the 'other' doctor in the village (ours is on half term hols) and he has come up with an alternative treatment for his problem.
So, this early evening our local nurse arrives and gives my dear man injections (in the buttocks!) of cortisone and antibiotics. Poor man, he has to have this for another 4 days...
This morning, after daughter and son-in-law go to shop for essentials, he says to me "I don't think you should go"...... well - I hit the roof!!! I have arranged visits to family and friends in the UK as well as my return flight... did I want to change all of that - lose money and disappoint people NO WAY!!!!! ....
The upshot was, I told him was that he was totally selfish and that he should stop thinking of himself and look after himself and think of others for a change.... I also said 'thats it - give me a guilt trip - thank you very much but it is time that your started to think for yourself!!! etc. etc.' and that I did not want to listen to him or talk to him any more...... Oh - how I hate arguments and having to shout at him but today I had to - and what do I get??? a pathetic look...Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
So - I go to the UK for a nice break. Yes he will be looked after - not by me though- but by the nurse and neighbours and friends.

I went to Turkey 18 months ago with a friend. He was given 6 months notice that I was going and all plans were discussed. I also spent time in the UK with family... What did I get when home.....grief, yes grief. I asked him about it the other week and what was the response "I felt abandoned".... WHAT? . I came home.. He was not taken out in a car and left at the side of the road. I phoned him every day. I let him know what was going on. ABANDONED? .... No way.... What is the matter with the man??? Does he have a separation issue? is it pre-alzhemiers? or is he just a ****?

Oh, I know I am going on a bit.. it was our 40th wedding anniversary at the weekend. We got married on 14th Feb 1970 - it would have been nice to celebrate this special day but no.... he has no sense of celebration. When I mentioned our 25th anniversary (some 18 months before) he said "what's the point?". Why should I expect anything more for our 40th? I would love to travel, take a cruise or whatever, just to say that we are still together after all this time (we started seeing each other January 1967). We have become inextricably linked through all this time and I cannot imagine life without him. I think he feels the same and he relies on me for everything. The thought of starting a life with someone else is really unthinkable.... I would just like for him to think about us and celebrate the time we have...... Maybe in the future, who can tell.

I will catch up after my sojourn in the UK. Will be so wonderful to see little Georges, oh how I miss that boy, and of course my other grandchildren and my siblings and mum. Hopefully I will feel better after the break....

Tuesday, 2 February 2010


I have had another birthday, oh my... I should be feeling old but I do not! When I was young (pre-teen) twenty was the age to aspire to. In my teens thirty was old!!. When I arrived at the age of forty I felt that I was at 'my age' ..... I have passed the menopause (Pause of men I ask myself!) and am feeling fine. In myself I am me - in my body I am 63... so what? I was talking to a dear friend of the telephone the other day - she is 10 years older than me - she is still working in London, three days a week, and what did she say "Oh Pat, I don't believe that I am nearly 73!". Age is all in the press - not in the mind!!

So, I am feeling fine and well....but

Today I learned that an acquaintance (I won't say she is a friend but I do know her) has an incurable cancer, I don't know what but it started as a lump on her neck. The prognosis is that she only has 3 - 6 months, no more can be done for her. The cancer was discovered last year. What can one do or say - she is only mid 50's and should have many years ahead. We were together at a mutual friends who had an open day for their mill - and it was her 50th birthday - must have been about 4/5 years ago, last time I saw her must have been around 18 months ago. I feel for her and her husband.

Weather is absolute 'crap' at the moment. We went to friends on Saturday night for a meal (in my honour) we left around 1.30am - the car was frozen solid! Eventually we 'defrosted' the locks of the doors and got the engine going to defrost the interior. It was so very, very cold. We got home around 2.00am and the thermometer showed -7c. One of our friends confirmed on Sunday morning that the temperature, when he got home from an event at 3.00am, was still -7c.

Jensen went to our friends with us, he was introduced to their collie Ben and they got on like house on fire. He is becoming a very social animal and all that he has met, human and canine, get on with him. Hoo rah!

Things are looking up! have got apartment bookings for the year - even for this month. I am so pleased.