Sunday, 24 February 2013

My lovely sister lost her battle/fight, however one would describe such a thing, with cancer early Friday morning.....

It was so sudden, my whole family are shocked to the core at the speed of her death.

'Oh,' said the medics 'she has a few months, time to get the necessary affairs sorted.' 'We will keep her comfortable & etc......'

'Oh' we said 'We will all have a chance to see her and say our goodbyes.'


I am going through all sorts of emotions at the moment... Anger is to the fore most of the time. Angry that she did not stop smoking. Angry that I did not have that last chat with her. Angry that she in all probability knew she had cancer. Angry that my mother has lost a child.  Angry that her children have lost their mother. Angry that her grandchildren have lost their grandmother. Angry that her partner, who is so devoted, is now alone again.

So, I am off to the UK for not the best of reasons.

I know I will feel calmer once I have seen my family. 

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Would like think that those who gossip about people that are no longer here will be gossiped about when they leave.

I get really annoyed that they think they have the right to tell ‘all and sundry’ (that is Brits) about people that they do not know, I keep my counsel and listen.

One day I will say, contact ‘so and so.’ “Here is his/her email address and I am sure that they will give you the details that you are lacking.”

I had a lovely lady stay with me at my B&B. She was from Luxembourg and visiting France for one of her children that had been invited to a birthday party. This lady was from my part of the UK and was married to a French banker. We had a long, lovely chat, she was absolutely delightful. It seems that in the ‘State’ of Luxembourg everyone knows the business of everyone else. Apparently the Americans are the worst for gossip. When I mentioned that a (small) town near to us was full of English she said ‘Oh My God a mini Luxembourg! How can you put up with it!) I stated that I avoided the place like the plague.. She smiled and laughed. I detected a little ‘jealousy’ there. I feel that in spite of her husband’s wonderful job she would prefer the simple life.

I am happy being on the periphery of the Ex-patriot community, the more I hear the more I want to hide away. When you get down to it we are immigrants – the sort of people that the English are complaining about…

In spite of the above I have met some really lovely ladies recently. Ladies that are on the same wavelength as me. We can chat about all and everything and it is intelligent chat, nothing inane. 

I do really need to get to grips with the local French ladies and what is going on in the village. I have been very remiss I must admit… will work on it and let all my followers know how I get on.

On the family front all is well. There are a few issues with TJ, probably because he is getting ‘bigger’ – it seems his anti-seizure medication is not up to scratch. It needs to be according to his weight I think.
I still don’t know how his mum copes with it all.

She has two other children to consider as well. Eldest child is now 15 yrs old and is coping with having to help his mother and brother.

It does worry me…. Her daughter seems to be daddy’s  (daddy not being fully involved in family life.)  ‘princess’ which really pisses me off as at the age of 10 is no use to her mother at all… am I being ‘off the wall?’ when I ask that children do not help their mother and siblings?   


Have just had another anniversary, was it acknowledged totally... no - I think I will need to arrange a proper celebration of our years together. I get very sad....

Am decorating the house, painting walls in the ‘salon’ and it is looking good. I have art works to put on the walls and they need a decent backdrop. I work my socks, arms, calves off painting and end up feeling knackered. It looks good though. 

I am pleased. 

He says ‘ it’s a bit dark!’ I say ‘ wait ‘til the sun shines.’  

What a difference once the sun is out… I am pleased with the effect and when I have put pictures etc on the walls it looks so very good…  Hallway is almost finished and it also looks very good. 

Got to sort out bathroom – made a scale plan and sourced and priced the finished articles. 

I know it will work!

Will keep all and sundry posted.x

I know yesterday's post was dire but I needed to express my feelings in the simplest of ways to people who do not know me...

I don't want sycophantic crap from the group (LIFT) I belong to, the thought of their platitudes and advice would nauseate me as I am not an unintelligent woman who needs someone to tell me 'this and that'.

My lovely sister is my first friend, playmate and confidante. She had her own name for me as she could not pronounce my name properly being only 16 months old when I was born. Her children only know me by the name she called me.  We would share a bedroom, clothes, makeup, fall out, make up, share experiences and, would you believe, a boyfriend (who eventually became my husband).

I remember we went out one evening, many years ago, and met a couple of lovely lads. We told them we were twins. My sister had auburn hair, the deepest brown eyes, fair skin and freckles. I had almost black hair, green eyes and olive skin. We were 18 yrs and 16 yrs old. The lads bought it! We said not all twins were identical. Got a few drinks and a wonderful evening out of them! Wicked? No, we were young and enjoying life.

I love this lady who continually smoked from the age of 16... and that is her downfall. If only, I wish...

My God I will miss her so much.    

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

How can I say this?

I have just had the most devastating news.

My sister has just a few months to live.

She has cancer.