I know my last posting was a bit dire, that is how I felt,
really dire.
Generally things are fine. There are positive notes from our
children and our grandchildren are doing very well.
Little TJ is gaining weight all the time and is looking so
pink! His mum is coping very well, I do not know where she gets the strength, obviously
there is a deep resource somewhere.
No 1 daughter is fine, she is doing what she just loves to
do, messing around with chemicals and teaching students her craft, this is in
the absence of the tutor who is off sick.
Youngest daughter has decided, at long last, to leave her
partner of many years. He has been a waste of space as far as I am concerned
and she, and their children, will fare better without him in the equation.
Motherhood can be difficult. You do your best for your
children and hope that they do the best for their children.
So, this year has seen some changes.
I have taken Himself to various corners of the world in the
hope that he may come out of himself and start to enjoy life.
No joy. Friends have asked, ‘how was your holiday?’ his
reply ‘the flight was crap, couldn’t stand the airports, seats were awful &
etc.’ eventually he will say how his actual holiday was but you really need to
winkle it out of him. He only looks at the negative.
This is not good for me as I love the positive part of life.
I suppose we cancel each other out and end up neutral. What a laugh that is!
He has said though that he would like to do a cruise!!! Something
to look forward to, maybe..
Generally he goes to bed around 9.00 pm – he starts drinking
early and 3 or 4 hours later all he wants to do is sleep… I have really boring
evenings.
Maybe I should go into chat rooms and find someone to talk
to, but then I think that could be the slippery road to heavens knows what.
I have joined a keep fit class and fortunately know a couple
of like minded ladies to go with. Had my first session last week, left home
6.30pm got home just after 8.00 pm and instead of getting home to a nice meal I
arrive to someone who admitted he was completely drunk!!
I wanted to leave.
I cooked the meal that was basically prepared, and very nice it was too.
I was very disappointed and annoyed.
I said very little – what is the point when you will only
get verbal abuse.
Oh dear, it is not as bad as it seems, mainly mental not physical.... I do have to tread so carefully with him, bearing in mind we have been married so very long and know what his reactions can be. I only give him a bollocking (good word!) when he is sober in the morning. He says he takes it on board but, hey ho, does he?
I'm glad you're so good at being positive..and a keep fit class in the company of friends is certainly a positive!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the family are well and that little TJ is thriving now. As you say, you have to look for the positive and those are certainly things to be positive about. Keep-fit is an excellent idea - one I ought to imitate.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry. I hope you are not feeling too isolated. A friend in a similar situation gets the most help from her female friends. I hope you have some that you can talk to.
ReplyDeleteSorry to but in.........
ReplyDeleteBUT, the fact that you are happy that your daughter ha decided t leave her husband, would it not be better for your mental health, and soul if you were to do the same?
Is it possible for you to do? I spent nearly 20 years trying to help my 1st husband who i admired and loved dearly to enjoy life, appreciate what he had, but i realised that in the end ONLY he can do that, it comes from within. The co-dependency of his negativity and my positivity just fed the miasma of discontent, we both felt in the end. Round and round it went.
Having sid that, its a way of being, one that is known and predictable, not so easy to leave.
I just so recognised the tone of your post, jaunty and oh well, never mind, life goes on! but it could go on so much clearer and better if you made the break.
Not saying life is easier, you only have to read my blog to see it is not, but it on my terms, the weight of dancing to anothers dirged
tune, is lifted.
I came across from The Broads blog, hope i have not offended you, by being so forth right, i just felt the need to say that all.
I admire that you are still getting up and going, ie, classes with lady friends.
Oh Cranky Crone, thank you for butting in, no offence taken at all. My mental health is OK, well it has been for the last 42 years of living with him. I can cope with his moods and the thought of going off on my own and maybe taking on someone else is daunting to say the least. Better the devil you know as they say! I am not in a position, at present, to make a break so am living my life as it suits me. Yes I am having a gripe about him and his behaviour, it makes me feel better. No doubt to him I am the achetypical nagging wife, who reminds him of his mother who he has said used to 'go on and on'. Hopefully, when I consult with our doctor, changes may be made. Softly, softly I tread. I will be updating later.
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