Yes, I did feel lousy yesterday.

I feel better today, woke early, 7.30 (far too early for me), if it had been 8.30 then yes, no problems so I shut my eyes and buried myself under the duvet and woke around 9.00.

I have a couple of ‘new age’ books and had a look in them last night. I saw that if you wear a blue stone around your neck/throat, at the 5th chakra then it will help with emotions, sleep, and a myriad of other things, I can’t remember which. I knew that I had bought a heart shaped blue gemstone pendant many years ago. Oh what the hell, find a chain, root around and find the pendant and put it on and see what happens.

I found the stone, found a chain and put them around my neck.

I slept well.

Today I had a close look at the gemstone, it is Lapis Lazuli, which I had totally forgotten about. Now this is a special stone and it, as they say, ‘did what it says on the tin!’

I do feel better today, had a moment this afternoon when I began to ‘wobble’ but on the whole I seem happier in myself.

I will persist, maybe crystals are the answer, I don’t know. There is something in it I am sure, along with various therapies including acupuncture, acupressure, reflexology, reiki, angels (?), meridians, etc. all of which are abounding in this particular department at the moment (especially as practiced by non-French residents!).

There is a ‘pamper’ day being organized locally. I saw the ‘ad’ and it says “Fred Smith Renovations” “Pamper and Rejuvenation Day” – (I have changed the names of course) but what I want to know – will the said “Fred Smith’s Renovations” be in charge of the pampering and rejuvenation? My mind boggles.

Cooking more tomorrow for Saturday’s curry.

Am going through a bad patch again. I think that I have a darkness that creeps up and embraces me. How on earth do I explain.

I was fine when I woke up this morning. Prepared my shopping list, we have friends for dinner Saturday night and I am making a curry, so off we went to the supermarche to get some bits and start preparing today. They did not have all the necessary that I needed, sometimes they have them on the shelves and sometimes they don’t and this was one of the don’t times.

Bugger, will have to go to bigger town instead of small town. Bugger, am trying to economise but will still have to use more diesel….

Anyway, himself was pushing the trolley, slowly, I just parked him in an aisle and said ‘Wait there, I will shoot off and get what I need’. He did just that. It was much quicker for me than having him trundling behind me and complaining. I did suggest that he wait in the car – I got a black look! Also seems that he was a little bit deaf, turns out he had water in his ear from his shower earlier so I was getting a lot of ‘what?’

Grrrrr.

We eventually arrived home and found members of the ‘God Squad’ at the door, well at least two of them, and hey, not American! They come later on in the year…

‘Hello’ said the taller guy (English), ‘we came last year, do you remember?’

I wanted to say ‘Hell yes, and I told you I wasn’t interested so kindly F*** O** and don’t bother me again!!”

But, I said, with my best Christian attitude, ‘Oh yes, I remember, thank you for coming to visit again but I am really not interested, I do have my Catholic God and my husband is still an atheist, we do wish you well with you ministry, good bye and have a good day!’

I couldn’t believe that I could get such a sentence out in one hit!

(I have been reading Susan Howatch lately, lots of religion!)

He smiled (the English one) and said ‘thank you, have a good day’ and, with his little French companion, left the premises.

My dear husband didn’t get a word in and just looked, well, amazed.

I went indoors and gave the dog a ‘telling off’ – “why didn’t you growl and show them that you are a proper guard dog?” He just smiled and wagged his tail. Continuity from the hound at least.

I unpacked the shopping, don’t want himself doing weights yet, sorted it all into its relevant places, freezer, fridge, pantry shelves etc. and then, well, I just wanted to go and hide away, in a corner, and not come out until I felt better. This feeling suddenly descended on me, I don’t know why, it just happened, so on and off all day, since shopping, I have felt like crap.

I had lunch (pigged out on a pizza) had half an hour catching up with emails etc. then scrubbed our bathroom and then came down to make some Samosas for the weekend (first time making these). Throughout this process from catching up on emails, cleaning bathroom and preparing recipe I was streaming tears… I kept it hidden from himself as he cannot fathom a woman’s emotions, never has, never will. He had his feet up and was taking his afternoon siesta.

Thought I would give it a go and try to make the planned curry as authentic as possible. I have a stock of whole spices and now grind my own as I need them, garlic and ginger is readily available but have a problem finding green chillis and mango chutney at the moment.

I will be making milder curries for the weekend as I do not want to upset a delicate alimentary canal!

Was originally going to make a Pork Vindaloo but have toned it down to a Pork Dopiaza. Either way it will be tasty!!

I seem to be going from me, to curry, to emotions….

There is a lot of negativity in this house. I do my best to be positive but it is always negated by ‘shhhh, you know who’.

The animals are positive. Jensen, is happy, bouncy (a bit of a Tigger really) and gives off such positive emotions.

Bisto is a truly erotic cat, if that is the right word, he is sensual especially when he winds himself around my legs, like a pole dancer, in the morning, during mid-day, the afternoon and evening etc. purring and gazing up at me with his lovely green eyes.

Bisto oozes love! (Hmmm, I wonder who he used to be?)

I am sure that the negativity is bringing me down. I try my best and I have explained to himself that he needs to be more positive in his thinking.

‘Yes’ he says.

End of conversation.

It is three days since he has seen M. le Chirurgien, (I just cannot get my English tongue around that word!) at our local wonderful hospital. M. le Chirurgien said that my man is OK, he is healing well and if there is any problem to come back and see him. Yes, fine, the nurse also said the same, ‘call me if there is a problem.’

So after the consultation we went to Lidl for a cheap shop (at the mo the bank balance is low and we have to budget again (Grrrrr)). Anyway, we bought stuff at discount (?) price and came home. I said I would bring the shopping in….. so what does he do? The manly stuff and brings in two heavy bags. I am not a weak female, I am capable of carrying a few kilos of shopping into the house…. Grrrr. He will not listen to me.

How on earth did he think I managed before. I am not weak. I am able to lift weights and carry them distances (albeit short), so I have had to shout at him a lot. “Noooo, put that down!!!” “I can do it” he said. “Don’t you dare try to lift that!” I say, “don’t worry, I can cope with it.” But he still insisted on bringing the two bags into the house.

He then sat down and said “I shouldn’t have done that!”

I growled!

Then I say “Maybe one day you will have to look after me and write the shopping list, sort, wash, dry and iron the laundry, change the bed linen, plan and cook the meals, sweep, vacuum and mop the floors, polish and dust the furniture, wash the windows, weed the garden (by the house), change the beds, clean the bathrooms, sort the finances, fill out the tax returns etc…..” He sat and looked at me and said nothing!!! I am able to cope with many things… Sod the vegetable patch, take me to the supermarket! Give me someone to cut the grass…. I can cope with growing flowers and also herbs for culinary uses.

He is healing. Slowly.

He and I have been married since St Valentines Day 1970… Long time!!

We had known each other for three years before getting married….. Long time!!!

Now, since 1967 my dear husband has, to my recollection, had a few surgical interventions. He had an operation on his wrist, he had surgery on his parotid gland which was furred up like a kettle, then he had another 4 operations relating to the same thing. His Piles needed sorting as well! Then he had problems with his neck (could have been paralyzed from neck down!). Prior to me knowing him he also had surgery on his knee/leg… and so it goes on. He enjoys ill health!

Me? I do not do ill people!!!!

I do not have empathy or sympathy… so when he coughs or sneezes I turn away. I know he can be a bit of a drama queen and will exaggerate his illnesses but I do not have time or patience for it.

Am I a bad person?

On a lighter note, our eldest daughter did the three peaks challenge in 23 hours 35 minutes this weekend, including injury time for one of the climbers. Bless her and her husband. Didn’t they do well??

What will they want to conquer next?

It is now quinze jours since my man’s surgical intervention, not a ‘fortnight’ in France but quinze jours. He has been home for huit jours not a week. Oh what fun playing with the oral differences between the two languages.

Anyway, he has been home since Thursday 19th May. He is fine. He is sore. He has had the attention of our local infirmieres who arrived every other day to check his wounds and change his dressings. God Bless those two lovely ladies who ministered to his needs.

I know this sounds a little ‘off the wall’ but that is me. He was happy for the attention and I was happy for them to minister to him. I could not do it; I am not in their league and really appreciate the nursing profession. All nurses deserve recognition; I know what they go through when they train for their craft and what they are faced with when they qualify.

My older sister achieved her State Registered Nurse qualification in 1966. I went through the trauma with her, reading her text books (some of which were a bit yeuk) helping her with her revision, listening to her hates and loves in training, giving a shoulder for the tears and joining the celebration when she passed… She made the grade with a lot of hard work, passed her SRN exam first go and is now still working, on a part time basis, in the nursing profession. Our youngest daughter is working to the same goal, albeit at an older age and with other qualifications. It seemed to be simpler 40+ years ago but nowadays it seems to be the ‘degrees’ not the instinct and empathy that counts.

He had a visit to the surgeon this morning who checked his wounds and pronounced him fit and well. It appears that his appendix was 'plus grand' and the abscess 'grand'. With my man it is never simple. Stitches were removed and he was discharged from the hospital and advised to return only if there was a problem. Hooray!!!

Anyway, the upshot of this is that I have told himself tonight that he will get fit and will listen to me and eat what I feed him because I want him fit. I explained that although we have been married for 40+ years and that we have our differences I still love him and that I want him to be fit and well (he did smile at that!). And also, for the extended holiday that I am planning for next year he will need to be fit. He sat and nodded and agreed. He does not need to lift a finger (ha! par for the course, comme d’habitude) I will sort it all out.

Whether I have the stamina or not to keep this up I don’t know, we will see.

The dog is happy that his master is home. The cats are happy that he is home. Our neighbour is glad to see him home as well as our assorted French and English friends.

I am cooking bland food for us both. He did say ‘you don’t need to eat the same as me’. Ha, why cook two separate meals… So I am on a bland diet as well. (Bah!) Never mind it won’t be long before he can take a little bit of spice! I have arranged a curry night for friends in huit jours, he had better be able to cope with it!

At the moment, weather-wise, it is hot, sometimes too hot, and sunny although the wind has been a bit on the chilly side. There are already water restrictions for the farmers. It won’t be long before the restrictions affect the general members of the public. It has been a very dry winter and there has been next to no rain falling. The river has been low all winter and I think it is now about three years since it has ‘broken’ its banks. We have a flood meadow that hasn’t been under water for a long time. The lack of rain has been quite frightening, the grass is brown already. It does not bode well, three years of drought is not good.

Bites and Appendices

It all started Wednesday morning, no I tell a lie, before then.

We went away to a lovely little fishing port on the Vendee coast for a weeks break in a friends apartment. With permission we took the dog as the apartment was ground floor and had a lovely little fenced garden.

The apartment overlooked the port which had grown over the past 20+ years into a fantastic harbour with moorings for millions of Euros of yachts of all sizes. Oh yes it had changed somewhat since our last visit there.

We had a nice restful time, the dog enjoyed his first visit to the seaside and was absolutely joyous running free on the sand and ploughing into the waves and over and over again. Totally in his element!

On our last day/night, something bit my ankle - twice. It wasn't too bad, didn't itch or anything. We came home Saturday and ankle was OK but I took the precaution of slathering it with hydrocortisone. Ankle fine Sunday. Sunday night and Monday during the day my foot became more and more swollen. Off to docs on Tuesday and she said just keep it clean and carry on with what you are doing (antiseptic spray and hydrocortisone). Well, Wednesday morning, after a very painful night, I hobbled down to the kitchen and found the cast of Antz 2 on the kitchen floor. I couldn't believe the amount of the little blighters swarming all over the place.

Then himself came through:

"I've been sick" "Oh God I've got such a pain in my belly".

I felt his head, no temperature.

"Are you OK, how's your ankle?" he said.

"Yes I am fine, I had a xxxx night, it itches like xxxxxxx and these bloody ants are everywhere!"

"I think it was that spinach and cream thing you did last night"

"No, that was OK, maybe you just have trapped wind, If you were younger and female I would say it is ovaries". (boy was I in a mood!)

Black look!

Have a little toast" I said, he did and it promptly came back.

Our doctor does not work on Wednesday as she has a young son and children only go to school here half day on Wednesday. A bit like shops and banks were in the UK many, many moons ago.

So himself goes back to bed for the day and I proceeded committing fourmicide and dealt with all those delightful and industrious insects.

I kept a check on him during the day. Still no temperature but a lot of pain.

Thursday am he went to doc and she said "appendicite" gave him a letter with instructions to go to Urgences (Casualty/ER.)

I do not drive!

I packed a bag for him and called some friends who quickly came over and took us to our local Hopital.

The Triage nurse took all our details and then the put my man on a bed in a room then wired him up for for ECG (beaucoup de poil!), tried to get a line in for blood test and drip and then waited for our local Hopital's version of Dr Ross. He was absolutely charming but did not speak a word of English. c'est pas grave! We understood when he said 'gaz'.

But 'gaz' it was not.

When the surgeon went into his gut on Thursday morning he found a large abscess on his appendix. Poor guy, no wonder he was in such pain. His gall bladder is OK though!

It is now Saturday evening. I have been in to see him, courtesy of another friend, and have also spoken with him. I should be able to get to see him again tomorrow and with a bit of luck will find out when he is coming home.

My bites have cleared up but still have some bruising on my foot and two nasty scabs!!

The ants have been totally exterminated in spite of Disney thinking they are cute!

I am now looking forward to the post-operative care I will have to give. I am not cut out for nursing, never have been and never will be. And he knows....

Wheat and Chaff

Daughter no.1 has come to stay for a week with her two delightful children.

I just said that I needed to sort the Wheat from the Chaff, and she decided to come out and help me sort! In the house it isn't too bad as I have periodically gone through from room to room.

So, starting with minor things like kitchen drawers and pantry and working her way up to the big barn she has worked like a Trojan, ploughing through all the accumulated things that had been put aside, especially in the 'Barn'!

The 'Barn' is our French version of the 'Garden Shed', completely out of my jurisdiction and whenever I have taken a glimpse inside it seemed to have less space. Is it a case of for every cubic inch there is a cubic foot to fill it, like a sort of TARDIS? When Daughter no.1 headed in that direction, with her father in tow he began to get an anxiety attack. Himself has been beside himself, 'What is happening? Why is it happening? Where is all my stuff going?' etc. etc.

Daughter no.1 observed 'He is a bit of a drama queen nowadays!'

He does not argue with Daughter no.1 as she is one of lifes efficient organisers and will tell him to sit and say yea or nay to whatever she wishes to throw out. If he says no she checks with me and I say yes. He has had to concede and attached the trailer to the car and took two trips of the 'stuff' to the local dechetterie for proper disposal... we now have heaps of space in the barn and we can actually see the walls! hmmm I wonder how long it will take to fill up again....

Our dear Jensen has been in the wars, in a manner of speaking. At the end of March he had what seemed to be an abcess burst on his chest. Took him to our lovely vet and she cleaned it out, prescribed a course of antibiotics and an antiseptic spray. It was healing nicely and then opened up again.. Back to the vets, in for surgery and they opened him up and found a large cyst. Poor boy, 3" scar, 7 stitches, and another long course of antibiotics plus painkiller. Talk about placid at the moment, he just wants to sleep all day! Anyway, on day 2 after coming home he ripped the dressing off and took out the top two stitches, so back to the vet for staples and a 'lampshade' collar. He has another checkup at end of this week and we are hoping it will be the end of it. From what I can see the scar is healing nicely. Am so glad that this has happened out here, dread to think of the costs in the UK!!

We are going away beginning of May for a week at the Vendee coast, then we are off to the UK in August for a wedding as well as the trip for Daughter no.1's birthday.

This is all therapy for Himself, just trying to bring him out of the dark place he has been all winter... hope it works.

Time for a little update, it might be a little or a lot, we will see how it pans out.

Being English I like some English products… for example, PG Tips, Branston Pickle, Bisto (Aaaah!) gravy powder (forget the granules, they are a waste of space!) and also OXO cubes, there are many French products that I absolutely adore but there are the essentials that my man and I were brought up on and we (read He) cannot do without.

The other night I used an OXO cube in my gravy and I noticed that it is slightly smaller, not a lot just a little bit, about 10/15% methinks…. They have made the cube into the shape of an X. I cannot comment on the price of the said item as I did not take notice when I bought them, but I am sure, am absolutely convinced, that the price went up as the size went down.

The quality of the product has not changed at all and I am glad to say it still gives the same satisfactory flavour to my culinary experiments.

Oh yes, it is gripe time…

The hound, our dear boy, has just been to the ‘poodle’ parlour for a haircut. He was in an absolutely abysmal state. His hair was around 6” long and was in need of a good ‘wash, trim and brush up’. He was picking up all sorts of mud and grass and had God knows what was living or growing in his coat, he definitely picks up more in the winter than summer! I would comb and brush him daily but as soon as he went out he came back looking worse than ever… So off to Toutou Bain Douche, of which there are many in La Belle France, (Poodle country you know!).

Big mistake… I will not go back and complain, she will only flap her hands and say ‘desolee’…He will never darken her doors again and she will never take her tondeuse or perfumes to his coat again. She has made the most abysmal job of clipping and trimming and he came back to us smelling of the most disgusting antiseptic/perfume… I just won’t recommend her to my canine owning friends. I have had to tidy up the work she has done. Maybe I will invest in some canine clippers and do him myself… or take him back to the delightful Beatrice in a few weeks. She was absolutely brilliant with him when he had his first trim.

Spring is in the air:

Primroses and Snowdrops are up, daffodils are just opening, loads of white and purple violets are showing their faces to the sun, buds are popping and my Sweet Almond tree is in flower…Everything is looking good!

I am doing my best to update our living accommodation by filling holes, painting, tiling, prettying things up. I sometimes think I am flogging a dead horse as I am not getting a lot of input or help from Himself. He will not do any DIY. At the moment it is all up to me and I am pissed off with it. Yes he has done a little in the kitchen, heights that I cannot reach as I get wobbly when I am too high up a ladder, I have a balance problem with my ears which puts me at a disadvantage. I am also trying, when the weather is dry, to make the garden look more inviting. First impressions count and I just have to convince Himself that we need to keep it tidy. His answer is ‘weedkiller’. Mine is, ‘weeds die and leave a mess and they still need to be taken out.’ He then sulks! So I have been over-stretching my spine by bending and raking out the weeds in the patio and path (both look good now) and tidying up the edges of the path as well as planting and transplanting various plants/bulbs to make it look all the more inviting.

We have some hens and they are a bit like the late, great, Houdini, they are all ‘Hendinis’ and can escape through any gap or get over the wall that runs round ½ of their pen, via a very handy roof, and then they vandalise my borders. Oh yes, I know they are looking for something to supplement their diet but, my poor daffodils, they have been ‘chickenated’ and any other perennial plants that are coming up are now raked up on the surface and dying.

Eventually, after I had ‘really’ lost my rag and used a lot of swear words ( the ‘eff’ word came into the equation more than once along with ‘you don’t give a toss’ etc…and I hate to shout!) Himself has eventually found another secure place for the hens so that they do not destroy all the work I have been putting in. At last, I can improve without it being wrecked!

We have had a couple look at the property with regard to running a B&B. The whole property was too big for them! The wife kept asking me ‘how do people find you?’ After the first time I was lost for an answer… We are just off a trunk road, clients find us with no problem at all and most have G.P.S. anyway. Our Immobilier just kept smiling in his Gallic way, and saying ‘you could put a pool and terrace there’ ’you do not need to buy all of it’ etc… I haven’t had any feedback from him as yet. I have decided that I will keep each Immo informed about the others without mentioning any names… just to keep them on the ball. I am restless and need to move!!

My dear Mum has reached 90 yrs old and is still as happy as can be, and no she is not senile, just a happy soul! I am a little bit peeved that I was not able to celebrate with her. When I mention travel to the UK Himself gets a look of panic his face. I do explain that my family and our friends would love to see him. Unfortunately, the majority of his family are no longer with us. There are some cousins that he has never been in touch with and he is not too bothered about contacting them. He would be amazed to see how his grandchildren have grown and they would dearly love to see him. Our no.1 daughter will be 40 at the end of the year and I have told him that he will be going to the UK to help her celebrate along with her husband and friends who have all reached the same age… He is still trying to get his head around it! And, not only that, he has to get his head around a trip to Central America the beginning of next year!! Ha ha, plans are underway!







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